David Cole's flag of melted toy soldiers.
And now for some sorta humour.
In 2002 this was all Flag-o-Rama was: a silly little page on my website
mocking the sudden surge in tacky patriotic junk sold by people aiming to cash
in on 9/11. I basically just snagged some photos from Amazon and Photoshopped
them with American flaggery. A few years later it grew into a blog because
there's always more of this crap to share. :)
Super Giant Ultra Manly Mega Roadbeast - New, from the folks who brought you the Ford Phallus!
Climb into this luxury roadhog and prepare for the ultimate patriotic driving
experience. Feel the power of the beast as you run down foreigners and
other un-American scum (and their pets) in their tracks. Nobody can run
from the power of American Pride! Sure, it sucks down 30 gallons of gas a
day, polluting the air and funding many aspiring Middle East terrorists, and it
will put you in debt for many years to come...but why should you let all that
get in the way of your God-given freedom to buy and drive huge, hulking tanks,
far bigger and more powerful than anyone needs for everyday use? - $89,999
Ameri-Pits - Yes, now you can banish the foul
stink of foreign dictatorships and turban-wearing terrorscum forever with this
powerful new deodorant. Your pits will be invaded, conquered, and rebuilt
with a new regime of freshness! Not for use on the French. - $19.95
(per pit)
Proud
Faces Pore Cleanser - Real Americans don't tolerate facial
blemishes, which is why you can't possibly live a productive life without
owning our incredible All-American Rechargeable Pore Cleanser. Suck
terrorist blackheads right off your face and make your skin safe for democracy!
- $99.95
Udderly American Breastpump - Are you a proud
American mother with a newborn patriot in your arms? If so, you're in
dire need of this amazingly beautiful U.S. Flag Breastpump. Nurture your
child with Old Glory. Betsy Ross would be proud! - $349.95
Coffeemaker
of Victory - Everyone knows that only anti-American pigs don't drink a hot
cup of coffee in the morning before work. Well, now you can start your
mornings with a patriotic cup of coffee, freshly brewed in our new U.S. Flag
Coffeemaker, and feel safe knowing that you're doing something good for your
country! Patriotism never tasted so good in the morning! - $139.95
Tampons of Glory - Let freedom flow with these specially-designed American Flag tampons. They're great for those times where protection is a must: baking apple pies, leading church activities, or walking down the beach at sunset with your daughter having one of "those talks". It's the most all-American thing any woman could ever use...period! - $49.95 (box of 12)
Tampons of Glory - Let freedom flow with these specially-designed American Flag tampons. They're great for those times where protection is a must: baking apple pies, leading church activities, or walking down the beach at sunset with your daughter having one of "those talks". It's the most all-American thing any woman could ever use...period! - $49.95 (box of 12)
Special Offer!! - If you order one (or
more) of the Loadmaster Deluxe toilets, we'll send your pussycat his very own
U.S. flag litter-box! This is a beautiful high-quality box, lovingly
handcrafted by the good folks at TurdWurx Ltd. And when you toss in the
included mini Evil Regime action figures, your kitty can drop his own little
bombs on the sands of Iraq. Meee-YOW!
Silverware of the Free - Yes, food
actually tastes better with these marvelous pieces of silverware. Each
bite becomes a tribute to America! Crafted with care by underpaid
metalsmiths for your dining pleasure, these shiny beacons of freedom are
perfect for stuffing your face with pride 'n' glory! - $79.95
per set (Please note: these utensils DO NOT work on
French cuisine.)
Confeddy Freddy - This one's for the original
fanatical flagwavers out there. Some folks in the South know what it
means to wave a flag at every possible opportunity, and we can't leave them out
of the fun! Freddy proudly sports the Confederate Flag in all its racist
glory, and if you squeeze his tummy, he screams "Nuke those
towelheads! Kill 'em all!" Confeddy Freddy unites the North
AND South in a common bloodlust. Great for tots! - $399.95
Tires of Pride - Rule the road, All-American
style! These megacool tires are complete with don't-tread-on-me treads
and red shiny rims. These beauties are great for running suspected
terrorists down in the street, and they're guaranteed stain proof. VROOOOM!
- $159.95 (each)
Loadmaster Deluxe - This magnificent
work of toiletry is a must for every true patriot's home. Crafted of 100%
American-made porcelain and sporting our flag's beautiful stars & stripes,
it will stand as a beacon of hope (and relief) in your bathroom. And
thanks to the Loadmaster's patented scenting technology, even the stankiest poo
comes out smelling like Mom's apple pie. It's craptacular! - $999.95
(Evil Dictator Toilet Paper sold separately.)
All-American
Toothbrush - No self-respecting American would allow his teeth to go
unbrushed, and we all know that terrorist scum don't brush properly.
That's why it's imperative to keep your teeth sparkling white to avoid any
unpleasantness. Our U.S. Flag Toothbrush is just the thing, and it's
recommended by patriotic dentists everywhere. Destroy anti-American
plaque! - $49.95
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