In fact, the women "will no longer be judged on outward physical appearance" at all...
The event (which is not to be called a "pageant" ever again) will now feature women, or people who want to be women, or people who are becoming women being judged (wait, can we still say "judged?" Shouldn't it be "honored?") while wearing the evening garb of their choice and "discussing how they will advance their social impact initiatives." Wow, talk about HOT!
The Miss America event is at least keeping the talent competition, so we can still judge ~ oops, honor! ~ women who can twirl batons, play "Lady of Spain" on the accordion, solve a Rubik's cube, read self-written poems celebrating abortion, or devour a 72-ounce steak in under 5 minutes without using her hands.
We are also given to understand that the "Miss Congeniality" award will now be replaced by a "Miss Congenital Defect" award ~ we think it's high time!
The event will be televised on ABC on September 9th. If you're like us, you're already marking your calendar to make sure that your television (just like males all over America) won't get turned on.
- So You Think You Can Keep Your Doctor
- The spy who loved himself
- No country for Anatomic Males
- At Some Point You’ve Made Enough Money... Except For Me.
- Yes We Can-Can
- The Beta Bunch
- The spy who loved himself
- You Didn't Build That: a documentary series. In each episode, Obama instructs individual business owners as to how they did not build their businesses.
- Snakes on a Plane: The Loretta Lynch and Bill Clinton Story
- I Killed Osama Bin Laden: office comedy where incompetent executive is constantly causing disasters and doing illegal things, but always gets let off the hook when he says 'Remember, I killed Osama Bin Laden!'
- Step Brothers sequel: The Great Rotondo. Plot: A 30-year-old stay-at-home son heroically fights for the tenancy rights of other adult children.
- Shovel Ready: a DIY show about companies that get huge government tax grants and then go bankrupt.
- Take A Bow: a travel show where Obama visits foreign countries and spends hours bowing to anyone in power.
- It's Always Sunny in Guantanamo Bay
- How I Met Your Mullah
- Guess Who's Coming to Jail...
- Who Wants to Win a Pallet of Cash?
- I Married a Wookie.
- Are You Smarter Than the Ayatollah?
- Bath House Diaries.
- I Spy
- How I Droned Your Mother...& Grandmother.
- Fast & Furious: Narcos
- Misery...loves company.
- Epstein's Island
- Barry and Michael: The Early Years
- Happy Gays
- Honey, I Shrunk the Middle Class
- An Idiot Abroad
- 13 Treasons Why
- Some like it acid washed
- The Birth of a Police State...
- Barry and the Legion of Choom
- Pretty Little Lies
- The Amazing Race Card
- And She Still Couldn't Win!
- How the Middle East Was not Won
- It's America’s Fault
- Cooking the Family Dog.
- Tiny Dancer: The Rahm Emanuel Story, starring Peter Dinklage.
- Dont Trust the B at 1600 P
- Rev. Jeremiah Wright's "White Devil" lecture series.
- Dealing Real Estate with Tony Rezko
- Dude where’s Hillary’s email server?
- Eternal Sunshine of the Keystone Pipeline
- The Blunder Years
- Saving Private Servers
- 13 Reasons Why I Became A Marxist
- Obama the Economic Growth Slayer
- The Voting Dead
- You've got Mail (and I'm reading it)
- A Series of Unfortunate Scams
- The Big Bong Theory
- Suddenly Susan Rice
- Un-American Horror Story
- How I Met Your Mom Jeans