(A note from Nicholas Kristof: In 1993, accusations that Woody Allen
had abused his adoptive daughter, Dylan Farrow, filled the headlines, part of a
sensational story about the celebrity split between Allen and his girlfriend,
Mia Farrow. This is a case that has been written about endlessly, but this is
the first time that Dylan Farrow herself has written about it in public. It’s
important to note that Woody Allen was never prosecuted in this case and has
consistently denied wrongdoing; he deserves the presumption of innocence. So
why publish an account of an old case on my blog? Partly because the Golden
Globe lifetime achievement award to Allen ignited a debate about the propriety
of the award ~ partly because the root issue here isn’t celebrity but sex
abuse. And partly because countless people on all sides have written
passionately about these events, but we haven’t fully heard from the young
woman who was at the heart of them. I’ve written a column about this, but it’s
time for the world to hear Dylan’s story in her own words.)
.
ED Noor: Of course Allen can plead innocent in all good Jewish "conscience". As a Tulmudic practitioner he did nothing wrong to this child ~ or any other so long as they were over "two years plus a day".
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ED Noor: Of course Allen can plead innocent in all good Jewish "conscience". As a Tulmudic practitioner he did nothing wrong to this child ~ or any other so long as they were over "two years plus a day".
.
By DYLAN FARROW
February 1,
2014
.
What’s your favourite
Woody Allen movie? Before you answer, you should know: when I was seven years
old, Woody Allen took me by the hand and led me into a dim, closet-like attic
on the second floor of our house. He told me to lay on my stomach and play with
my brother’s electric train set. Then he sexually assaulted me. He talked to me
while he did it, whispering that I was a good girl, that this was our secret,
promising that we’d go to Paris and I’d be a star in his movies. I remember
staring at that toy train, focusing on it as it traveled in its circle around
the attic. To this day, I find it difficult to look at toy trains.
.
For as long
as I could remember, my father had been doing things to me that I didn’t like.
.
I didn’t
like how often he would take me away from my mom, siblings and friends to be
alone with him.
.
I didn’t
like it when he would stick his thumb in my mouth.
.
I didn’t like it when I had to get in bed with
him under the sheets when he was in his underwear.
.
I didn’t
like it when he would place his head in my naked lap and breathe in and breathe
out.
.
I would hide
under beds or lock myself in the bathroom to avoid these encounters, but he
always found me. These things happened so often, so routinely, so skilfully
hidden from a mother that would have protected me had she known, that I thought
it was normal. I thought this was how fathers doted on their daughters. But
what he did to me in the attic felt different. I couldn’t keep the secret
anymore.
.
When I asked
my mother if her dad did to her what Woody Allen did to me, I honestly did not
know the answer. I also didn’t know the firestorm it would trigger. I didn’t
know that my father would use his sexual relationship with my sister to cover
up the abuse he inflicted on me. I didn’t know that he would accuse my mother
of planting the abuse in my head and call her a liar for defending me. I didn’t
know that I would be made to recount my story over and over again, to doctor
after doctor, pushed to see if I’d admit I was lying as part of a legal battle
I couldn’t possibly understand. At one point, my mother sat me down and told me
that I wouldn’t be in trouble if I was lying ~ that I could take it all back. I
couldn’t. It was all true. But sexual abuse claims against the powerful stall
more easily. There were experts willing to attack my credibility. There were
doctors willing to gaslight an abused child.
.
After a
custody hearing denied my father visitation rights, my mother declined to
pursue criminal charges, despite findings of probable cause by the State of
Connecticut ~ due to, in the words of the prosecutor, the fragility of the
“child victim.”
.
Woody Allen
was never convicted of any crime. That he got away with what he did to me
haunted me as I grew up. I was stricken with guilt that I had allowed him to be
near other little girls. I was terrified of being touched by men. I developed
an eating disorder. I began cutting myself. That torment was made worse by
Hollywood. All but a precious few (my heroes) turned a blind eye. Most found it
easier to accept the ambiguity, to say, “who can say what happened,” to pretend
that nothing was wrong. Actors praised him at awards shows. Networks put him on
TV. Critics put him in magazines. Each time I saw my abuser’s face ~ on a
poster, on a t-shirt, on television ~ I could only hide my panic until I found
a place to be alone and fall apart.
.
Last week,
Woody Allen was nominated for his latest Oscar. But this time, I refuse to fall
apart. For so long, Woody Allen’s acceptance silenced me. It felt like a
personal rebuke, like the awards and accolades were a way to tell me to shut up
and go away. But the survivors of sexual abuse who have reached out to me ~ to
support me and to share their fears of coming forward, of being called a liar,
of being told their memories aren’t their memories ~ have given me a reason to
not be silent, if only so others know that they don’t have to be silent either.
.
Today, I
consider myself lucky. I am happily married. I have the support of my amazing
brothers and sisters. I have a mother who found within herself a well of
fortitude that saved us from the chaos a predator brought into our home.
.
But others
are still scared, vulnerable, and struggling for the courage to tell the truth.
The message that Hollywood sends matters for them.
.
What if it
had been your child, Cate Blanchett? Louis CK? Alec Baldwin? What if it had
been you, Emma Stone? Or you, Scarlett Johansson?
.
You knew me
when I was a little girl, Diane Keaton. Have you forgotten me?
.
Woody Allen
is a living testament to the way our society fails the survivors of sexual
assault and abuse.
.
So imagine
your seven-year-old daughter being led into an attic by Woody Allen. Imagine
she spends a lifetime stricken with nausea at the mention of his name. Imagine
a world that celebrates her tormenter.
.
Are you
imagining that? Now, what’s your favorite Woody Allen movie?
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