Tuesday 4 June 2013

POLICE DILEMMA: JOKE (OR MAYBE NOT)

 
QUESTION:
You're on duty by yourself walking on a deserted street late at night. Suddenly, an armed man with a huge knife comes around the corner, locks eyes with you, screams obscenities, raises the knife, and lunges at you. You are carrying a Glock 40 and you are an expert shot, however you have only a split second to react before he reaches you. What do you do?
ANSWER:

CANADIAN POLICE OFFICER:
Firstly the officer must consider the man's Human Rights.

1) Does the man look poor or oppressed?
2) Is he newly arrived in this country and does not yet understand the law?
3) Is this really a knife or a ceremonial dagger?
4) Have I ever done anything to him that would inspire him to attack?
5) Am I dressed provocatively?
6) Could I run away?
7) Could I possibly swing my gun like a club and knock the knife out of his hand?
8) Should I try and negotiate with him to discuss his wrong doings?
9) Does the Glock have appropriate safety built into it?
10) Why am I carrying a loaded gun anyway, and what kind of message does this send to society?
11) Does he definitely want to kill me, or would he be content just to wound me?
12) If I were to grab his knees and hold on, would he still want to stab and kill me?
13) If I raise my gun and he turns and runs away, do I get blamed if he falls over, knocks his head and kills himself? .
14) If I shoot and wound him, and lose the subsequent court case, does he have the opportunity to sue me, cost me my job, my credibility and the loss of my family home?


AUSTRALIAN POLICE OFFICER:
BANG!

AMERICAN POLICE OFFICER:
BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG!
'click'...Reload... 

BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG!
(Sergeant arrives at scene later and remarks: 'Nice grouping!').

4 comments:

  1. BANG! Head shot..( Quick! Take his organs! )

    ReplyDelete
  2. Israeli Police Officer: BANG!. (Head Shot!. Quick, Take His Organs. )

    ReplyDelete
  3. I didn't know that ADL head Abe Foxman preferred large knives over semi-automatics. But the rest of the description fits him to a T.

    ReplyDelete
  4. American Police Officer in the Ghetto:
    If knife wielding the suspect is wearing a three piece suit and driving a Jaguar:
    (1) Ask if the knife is the latest and greatest potato peeler from Ronco.
    (2) Apologise profusely and give him directions back to suburbia.

    If the knife wielding suspect is a Negro:
    (1) Ask yourself is this really his knife or the “throw away” I normally carry for situations just this like this.
    (2)Listen for any type of noise that would justify unloading on him all the ammo you have.
    (3) Justify shooting him by telling yourself he did something to somebody at some time some where else.

    If the knife wielding suspect is a rabbi:
    (1) Do not interfere. Remember God chose him above all others.
    (2) Assist him in every way possible.
    (3) Ask for his business card.

    ReplyDelete

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