Monday 29 June 2009


There are many ways to be fatherless. Usually I think of losing a father to death by one reason or another. Or, abandonment. But I had never thought of it in this context, of being the product of science, not the ancient spark of love between a man and a woman.

This is not my usual topic but I was very touched by this young woman's letter and thought it should be shared with the world. For all these Western women who do not consider the selfishness of their actions, let them hear these words from one of their own offspring. This girl has no idea of who or what she is; we all have a basic human need to know our ancestors.

She is bemoaning being a product only of the NOW, with no history to tell her who or what her roots are. And there are MILLIONS of such lost children in the world now.

It is one thing to take in unwanted children who need adoption or a home, because the need is there and in the long run it is a great solution for gay couples.

But this, to me, cases like this show nothing more than unthinking blind selfishness on behalf of the mother. She is putting her needs ahead of those of the child she will undoubtedly love and tend not realizing, no wonder how exemplary a parent she is, it will never ever be enough to fill in that basic need of her child to know who he or she really is.

No fun to be involuntarily fatherless

From Norwegian national newspaper "Aftenposten" on May 22, 2009:

Translated into English

I grew up having a sperm cell as a father and I can tell lesbians and the adventurous that it has not been fun at all. One is and remains a person without a history and without an answer when the topic of fathers is mentioned, and that is often!

It is easier to refer to an adoption or a death. But a father without a name! I can promise you that it hurts! It will never be cool. Neither will it ever be "common."

Even a desired and loved child has a need for parents of both sexes. Life itself has convinced me that living with a mother and a father makes one mature for the choices one must make as a young adult, make in love for a person of the opposite sex.

I regard anonymous sperm donation as a psychological experiment I that I would never impose on anyone.

Ingun Bøhn,



  1. I think it's quite disgusting that you're going to take away the happiness of gay couples because one person thinks to complain. It's easy to say it hurts to not know your father when you've been raised with love and care, and have nothing more to complain about.

    You don't need parents of both sexes. I've been raised by my grandmother and mother, and niether of them are male! I have turned out just fine and while I know who my father is, I have absolutely no desire to see or recognize his existence.

    Some people know who their father is and consider it a living hell.

    What you are effectively attempting to "prove" is that having homosexual parents is not a good thing and should not be allowed. That is discrimination, pure and simple.

    It's perfectly fine for straight couples to use this sperm bank thing, or adopt, but a homosexual using such methods is selfish.



  2. Why is it that people say things of interest and sign as anonymous so no discussion is possible?

    Note, I did not say Never. There is already a market full of children already born who need homes and families. I was speaking of a child created out of a test tube or an anonymous sperm donor.

    Every person is different and comes from different reference points. As for NEEDING both parents, of course not. But it certainly can make for a more balanced and complete human being.

    It is your choice about your father. I am sure it comes from knowledge and is best for you. But at least if you had a genetic illness you would know where to go for answers. You could trace your ancestry if you wished.

    You read meanings into my words that I did not intend but you have your chip on your shoulder and are entitled to carry it until eventually it falls off.

    I will say, I am tired at my age of seeing the family demeaned and broken up. I also do not believe in gay marriages. Call it anything else. Give them all the same rights and benefits. But give it another name PLEASE.

  3. I think its disgusting for grown women who had some knowledge of their fathers to deny a child that very right. "For the happiness of gay couples"??? Give me a break that is the most selfish statement. Does it really have to be anonymous anyway? Does the anonymity make them happy?

    Anywho, it is child abuse to give a child to gay couples. It has been proven to be detrimental.


  4. I live in a big city, and in my neighborhood there are quite a few single mothers. When i meet with their children playing outside or whatever, i can sense the feelings of needing a father figure. As a man, this is obvious to me, and i know how hard it can be to have only a mother to take care of, and nurture you. My father, who was a good man, wasn't around us much, and us siblings had to deal with that in our own personal ways, good or bad...

    I am not saying that gays and lesbians having a child is not right, because conditioning and compensation can indeed make up for the lack of not having yin/yang parentage. And we know that even having both parents can be hell, but a child having the latter at least has the heritage of the past, and a better chance of a happy and satisfied future, (if it doesn't watch too much television):)

    I've been around gays and lesbians all my life, and observed their hedonistic lifestyles and how they kept it mostly to themselves. I had no idea that someday, they would be on tv every day influencing the children to do the same. There is no problem with civil unions, but to be married in a church is hypocritical and disturbing to christians and their bible. And no, i'm not a christian.

    I am sure there will be a witty rebuttal to my painfully brief comment, so lay it on me.

  5. I found out, only today, your blogs. Besides the insight, awareness and concerned opinion you have on our world communities that I (in my humble opinion) quite appreciate, I just want to say that I was so touched by this young woman's words. It's sickening (to say the least) to see how children rights are completely forgotten nowadays. How can be future without a past?


If your comment is not posted, it was deemed offensive.